بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
When A Wife is a Garment for her Husband
Allah (swt) called His servants in different parts of His Glorious Book to think and contemplate about His creation, and ponder on His signs and miracles so that they see the truth from falsehood, and thus walk the path which He has chosen for them: to believe in Him as a Rabb (Lord) and a Creator, and to work for what He has decreed as rulings sent down to His Noble Messenger, as a mercy and guidance to the worlds:
﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ خَلْقُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاخْتِلَافُ أَلْسِنَتِكُمْ وَأَلْوَانِكُمْ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّلْعَالِمِينَ﴾
“And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colours: verily in that are Signs for those who know.” [Al-Rum: 22]
In more than one part in the Qur’an, Allah (swt) praised those of His servants who:
﴾ الَّذِينَ يَسْتَمِعُونَ الْقَوْلَ فَيَتَّبِعُونَ أَحْسَنَهُ﴿“Who listen [closely] to all that is said, and follow the best of it.” [Az-Zumar: 18], they see the path of truth and guidance and use their mind that Allah (swt) has distinguished them with from all His creatures﴾ هُمْ أُولُو الْأَلْبَابِ﴿“Those are the ones endued with understanding.” [Az-Zumar: 18], working sincerely wanting His pleasure… seeking in this life for winning in the Aakhira.
Of the verses which Allah (swt) urged them to stop, ponder and understand it correctly and accurately, verse 21 in Surat Ar-Rum: ﴾وَمِنْ آَيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجاً لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً﴿“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” in which Allah (swt) indicated that He has created for us spouses from among ourselves, so that we may live with them a relaxed, peaceful life, and so that we live together a life full of love, affection and harmony.
Allah (swt) created man, and﴾فَجَعَلَ مِنْهُ الزَّوْجَيْنِ الذَّكَرَ وَالْأُنثَى﴿“And of him He made two sexes, male and female” [Al-Qiyamah: 34]. He created them so that they may get married, procreate and live as a whole. Each of them is in need of the other so that the human kind remains… this is the Sunnah (way) of Allah (swt), and never will you find any change or deviation in Allah’s way, and the continuation of the human kind will not be except through the marriage of males and females!
Allah (swt) brought together males and females through a close bond, that is marriage, to live a life based on affection and mercy and harmonize and understand each other, that each becomes the dwell for the other, comforting and pleasing them.
Despite their different nature and composition, the male and female complement each other, each is in need for the other, finding in the spouse what completes him/her and fill their shortcomings... The husband is a coolness for his wife’s eyes, and she is the coolness of his eyes, each finds comfort in the other and indeed, the success in this lies only in their obedience to Allah (swt), and making His provisions the light shining their lives.
This is the nature Allah has given men and women, making them miss one another and look out for each other. Each of them needs the other and feels the necessity of his/her existence in life. This instinct is embedded in them, which must be satisfied - like other instincts – in the way Allah has set for them with sound and proper legal (Shar’ii) controls. And love and affection are deeply rooted feelings which are a virtue and a livelihood from Allah to whom he wills, the Messenger of Allah (saw) says, speaking of Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her «إنّي رزقت حبّها»“I have been granted her love” (narrated by Muslim), as with good companionship, these worthy feelings grow, and the couple live a happy life.
In His Glorious Book, Allah (swt) ordered Muslim men to live with their wives kindly:
﴾وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴿“live with them on a footing of kindness and equity.”[An-Nisa:19], because marriage is companionship that is built upon righteous friendship and blissful living, «خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي»“The best among you is the best to his family, and I’m the best of you to my family” (narrated by Ibn Majah). In many places, the Messenger of Allah (saw) urged men to choose a righteous wife so that they both reconcile and are comfortable with each other:«ليتّخذ أحدكم قلبا شاكرا ولسانا ذاكرا وزوجة مؤمنة تعينه على أجر الآخرة»“Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.” (Narrated by Ahmad)
In origin, marital relationship should be based on amiability, love, respect and appreciation. Because it is initially, and before it is considered a relationship between husband and wife, it is a relationship between a believer and a believer, united upon a great creed which brought together the hearts of men of different races, backgrounds and customs, albeit a man and a woman. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (saw) said: «لا يفرك - أي لا يبغض - مؤمن مؤمنة إن كره منها خُلقا رضي منها آخر»“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other or another trait of hers.” (Narrated by Muslim)
With great love and advice, a mother told her daughter these precious words to maintain her marriage:
“…and beware of being upset while your husband is happy, or being happy while he is upset, the former is a sign of a shortcoming, and the latter is of aggravation. Respect him greatly and he will show you the greatest honor, be his strongest supporter, and he will be your longest companion. Know that you will not reach what you desire except when his satisfaction is above yours, and his desire over your desire with what you like or hate, and Allah has given you the choice.” The pleasure of Allah (swt) is the basis for the relationship between the husband and the wife, it is the solid foundation that the family is protected and maintained with, so if they aimed at that, Allah (swt) harmonizes between them, unites them upon the good and grants them affection and mercy towards each other.
It is unfortunate how contaminated the relationship between couples has become today, in light of what we are living of a change in concepts, as the atmosphere of secularism and capitalism with its destructive and despicable ideas have become widespread, working on undermining this relationship and the destruction of the Muslim family's edifice. Relations have become based on benefit and material gains, where the woman is now looking for a rich man, a spacious house and a luxury car... and the man is running after the satisfaction of a beautiful or rich woman... If marriage results to this case, there will be no harmony between them and their lives will become free of serenity and tranquility and will be filled with turmoil, selfishness and misery.
If marriage was built on a fragile basis at which one or both sides is seeking a worldly purpose, not fearing Allah in his/her spouse, it will not be filled with harmony or conciliation, but if it was based upon a solid and strong basis, which is the obedience of Allah, then He (swt) will grant the couple compatibility, creating between them love, affection and mercy, and thus their life will be filled with good discourse, appreciation and praise and they will compete with each other to bringing happiness to one another, their house will be filled with tranquility and angels will enter it because they are working for the obedience of Allah (swt) and seeking to obtain His pleasure.
Marriage is one of Allah’s countless prodigies, and the Muslim man and woman must ponder upon it, understand it, and thank Allah for it, because it is one of His many blessings... A blessing that, if they benefited from it well and fulfilled its right, they will gain the success from Allah (swt) and His pleasure, and then they will win the happiness of this life and the next.
Islam is a cohesive system that takes care of all aspects of life and of the family in particular - which is the first brick in society – paying a big attention to it and great care because of what it holds of great importance, because its goodness serves the society and its corruption corrupts it... Every Muslim must make his home a Muslim home based on the elegant Islamic concepts, raising his children on these concepts, preparing with this Muslim generations working to restore - by the grace of Allah (swt) - the glory of this Ummah and its stolen honor!!
Written for the Central Media Office of Hizb ut Tahrir by