Nafsiya Reflections: Desperately Seeking Morals

Time and time again, we hear of parents who complain about their children’s manners. That the daughters are rude, they don’t help around the house and don’t want to visit the relatives anymore, or how some parents complain about the anger issues of their sons, and the amount of time they spend watching the telly or playing games. And unfortunately, some parents have even given up on the upbringing (Tarbiyah) of their children and have become demoralised and disheartened.

The question we must ask ourselves: are we viewing our responsibility in the correct way? Do we understand why we’re having these problems in the first place? Our children are an Amanah (a trust) from Allah (swt). It is vital that we use enlightened thinking in order to fulfill this trust and responsibility. So what are the factors that make Islamic parenting in today’s age so difficult?

The secular values of personal freedom and benefit have affected the mindset of the Muslim youth, and created an obstacle to Islamic parenting, especially amongst the masses of Muslim parents who are unaware of the ideological nature of the problem. The sad reality is that many of the Muslim youth are not prepared to fulfill their Islamic responsibilities, and instead they’re confused about their identity; taking the children to Islamic gatherings, fasting in Ramadhan as a family, attending madrassa and memorizing the Quran - even keeping a close eye on their friends - these are just some of the things that parents are doing as part of the struggle of raising their children in today’s secular society.

Many parents instill a vague set of Islamic values within their children, related to manners and perhaps dress and Ibadah. This is considered the extent of their duty... as well as providing some education and preparation for marriage at the earliest opportunity. Although many believe this to be the norm, and a successful parenting model. The result is that children are growing into young adults who outright reject the values and expectations of their parents and turn their backs on their Islamic responsibilities.

So what is the solution? To move to different parts of the Muslim world - in the hope that the sound of the Adhaan or the different dress code will transform the thinking of the youth?

Societies today, whether in the west or east or middle east, have made man the legislator and put him above the laws of Allah (swt). This secularism has promoted the modern day idols of freedom, benefit, democracy, capitalism and secular liberalism... all of which have led to a political and social climate of individualism. There is no emphasis on accountability, no push towards social morality and no emphasis on the greater good, let alone making Allah’s word the highest.

The youth face issues today that many parents are unfamiliar with... but to expect that love, and provisions for them can overcome all manner of the insecurities they have and the obstacles that they face, is not only naive, but it’s far from the Islamic obligations of a parent. Morality in Islam is not a simple set of rules related to good manners and polite behaviour. It is rather the embodiment of the Islamic personality (the Islamic Shakhsiyah), the lens through which any person views the reality around him and responds to them according to the Ahkam shariah.

The mighty task for parents is to embed the Islamic basis within their children, and equip them with an Islamic method of thinking about the scenarios they face. It is crucial to understand that as long as we are living under a secular system, and ruled by man made laws, the youth will be pushed to accept and conform to society's standard of lewdness and individualism; whether it be at school or social media, through friends and even family. Society today is brimming with every kind of misguidance which is glamorized, seen as progressive and forced fed to our youth on every single platform. We must realise that only with the revival of the Islamic way of life by way of the re-establishment of a Khilafah system, can we expect to to see the youth thinking and acting in an elevated manner, guided and upon the straight path, with the help of Allah (swt).

As Allah says in Surah al Anfal, verses 27 & 28

(يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَخُونُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلرَّسُولَ وَتَخُونُوٓا۟ أَمَـٰنَـٰتِكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ * وَاعۡلَمُوۡۤا اَنَّمَاۤ اَمۡوَالُكُمۡ وَاَوۡلَادُكُمۡ فِتۡنَةٌ  ۙ وَّاَنَّ اللّٰهَ عِنۡدَهٗۤ اَجۡرٌ عَظِيۡمٌ)

O you who have believed, do not betray Allah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know. And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.

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